Last night, on the phone, (M) told me how wonderful she thinks I am. I paused, and told her that I didn't feel wonderful. I told her, that inside I feel like a failure, broken, and unlovable. She was sorry to hear that, and proceeded to tell me all the good things she saw in me. I tried to take in what she was saying, but told her that nothing she said connected with how I feel about myself. I realized that when Tia an I were together, the more she loved me, the more I hid. I understand how alone that must have made her feel. It makes me sad just thinking about it. I've always done that. I've always been afraid of really letting someone in. I feel stronger, and hopeful, being aware of that now. I've known that in my head, but I think I'm finely letting it in to my heart.
Last night, on the phone, (M) told me how wonderful she thinks I am. I paused, and told her that I didn't feel wonderful. I told her, that inside I feel like a failure, broken, and unlovable. She was sorry to hear that, and proceeded to tell me all the good things she saw in me. I tried to take in what she was saying, but told her that nothing she said connected with how I feel about myself. I realized that when Tia an I were together, the more she loved me, the more I hid. I understand how alone that must have made her feel. It makes me sad just thinking about it. I've always done that. I've always been afraid of really letting someone in. I feel stronger, and hopeful, being aware of that now. I've known that in my head, but I think I'm finely letting it in to my heart.
Comments