Human

I was IMing with the far away girl I'm crazy about. We set up video feeds. I've seen pictures of her, but this was the first time I saw her move, and react. We've been e-mailing every day for almost 2 months. It feels like much longer. The progression has been beautiful, from text to MP3 voice recordings, to video and typing, video and voice together may come soon. I've never really spent time to get to know a woman so slowly and fully before being together. I really like it. And I really like her.

Jessie, my bike, has taught me physical patients, with this woman, I'm learning emotional patients. I've always been afraid that if someone got to really know me before we were together, that they wouldn't like me, or wouldn't want me, or would find me unimportant or would find me to be unlovable. I don't feel that way with her. She sees me and likes me.

I hope we will be on the same continent soon. I think we will. I'm very excited!

My X-girl called while we were IMing. We need to finalize an account. I told her to call back in an hour. When she did, my feelings were much less stirred than they ever have been. I realize that it's un-safe for me to bring my feelings to her. Every time we've had to speak in the past, I left doubting myself, doubting my goodness. This time was very different. Not because of my far away Love, but because there's something different in me. I believe in myself, I like myself, and I want to take care of myself.

: )

This was not spell-checked