sad

it's friday
movie night at my studio
a bunch of friends come over
we see a movie

i didn't invite anyone this week
i didn't have the energy or desire

they started calling after 8:30
i always invite people for 8:30
we start the film at 9:00
we finish at 11:00 and hang out and talk
then i kick everyone out at midnight

she wakes up at midnight
my midnight is her 7:00am
we are both tiered
she is coming out of her sleep
i am heading in to mine
this is one of the places that we meet every day

when they call and say they will be later
i say not this week then
after midnight i have a date with my girl

this is the first movie night that wasn't since the beginning
even when i went to see her
i gave my keys to a friend to keep it going

tonight
this week
right now
i don't care

i'm sad
i miss her
and i'm sad
i want to comfort her
and to be comforted by her

i feel that sadness
the sadness that i let myself feel last summer
the sadness after my last break up

she and i
we are together
but tonight
after this week
i feel that empty space in me

that empty space that i've spent my life running from

that empty space that i faced for the first time last summer

that empty space that is at the core of me

that is me

that feels bad and shameful
but isn't

it's just a room

a room that i haven't spent much time in
a place where i feel uncomfortable
feelings that have always been inside me
which i've run from at all cost

the cost has been me
i'm done running