So Much

on friday
she and I were talking on AIM
she said she's scared
she told me she's late

my mind flashes to the moment
"the scene of the crime"
that amazing careless fantastic time

neither of us want to take it back
or change it
neither of us wants a child either

some day yes
some day after we have time to be together ourselves
yes
I've always wanted children

but not now
not before she moves here
not before we have our time together

we both agree
yes
selfish
but thought out

I just didn't expect to be so sad

it may be because we're far apart (geographically)
maybe it's because she has to make this in to a thing to do and not feel for now
the feelings being magnified because there are falling on me now

fuck
I hate feeling sad
sad like this
sad and helpless

I miss her so much
we're going to get through this together
but right now
the minuets seem like hours

I want her in my arms
so bad